Writing this post is hard.. and being in South Carolina is even harder.. This has been one of the most depressing weeks of my family's life. All of us have been thinking about every single moment that we shared with Teddy. He was the sweetest boy I've ever met. A kind, loving, my brother's first\best friend, but most of all he LOVED God.
Teddy was Aunt Belinda and Uncle Danny's Baby. He was their 3rd and last child. They loved Teddy so much. More than you would believe. Teddy loved them. He loved everyone. Regardless of what they had done or what they were going to do. Teddy had a kind and tender heart. He was so sweet. He gave up something he wanted, for someone elses' happiness.
I remember the times that we had with him... Nerf Wars, Pillow Fights, Chicken chasing and Trampoline wrestling. All wonderful, happy times. He was like a brother to me, matter of fact he was a brother to all of us. He was so funny. Oh my gosh, he had his jokes. They were so cheesy and just funny! Cat and Teddy were like twins. They always bickered back and forth but, it wasn't mean. It was playful! They were always cracking jokes on each other. Whenever, Teddy would knock my brothers and I off the trampoline, Cat was still standing, determined to kick his butt. I don't there was ever a time that Teddy beat Catherine at trampoline wrestling. Of course, they laughed in the end and helped each other up but, I think Cat always won.
One year, it was New Years and we watched the ball drop on T.V. and got a whole bunch of pots and pans and hit them with wooden spoons outside. We all screamed "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" They lived out in the middle of nowhere. At least, 15 miles to the nearest Wal-Mart. Where only the cattle and horses could hear. We would always go on the trampoline and wrestle. My two brothers, Teddy and I would wrestle all the time. We played so many games on that trampoline. Popcorn, Crocodile, Zombies, Steam-Roller. It's a wonder that old trampoline lasted as long as it did. It's funny how much a trampoline can mean to you.
Last time we visited was last summer for about a week. I was very distant. I was myself lonely. I didn't want to be there. I regret not spending time with them. Funny how you really never know what you have until it's gone. Sounds like one of those cheesy little life lines that are supposed to make you think really hard about what you have. Well, it's true. I never knew how much Teddy mean't to me.
Teddy was loved my so many people. And at 8:30 Tuesday morning.. May 2, 2012 we got the news. I woke up to my mom crying and telling me she needed to talk to us. I got up grouchy and wanted to go back to sleep. We were all situated downstairs. My mom told us he was dead.. He committed sucide Monday night. It was so hard. We all started sobbing and trying to believe this. Teddy didn't seem like the type of person to do something like that. He was just too caring and just wouldn't do something like that. We were all shocked. We didn't want it to be true. We all sat there silently crying, trying to gather our thoughts and wish it were a nightmare instead of a Tuesday morning reality. The rest of the day was just... depressing and we were all still crying. Still trying to wake up from this horrible dream. By the end of the day, I think all of us had
Yesterday, was a day when I cried more than I talked. And, that's a pretty big deal. The funeral was at 3 and earlier that day, we still couldn't believe it. We were all wishing it weren't true. Many times, I wished that it were me instead of him. I can't let myself think like that. I have to trust God to let something good come out of this. This happened for a reason. I hope I benefit from this in some way. I think that God is trying to say that even the best of us have hard times and we all need help. Teddy was just too afraid to talk to anyone. I wish I had been there. I wish I had known what had been going on. I would've helped because I've been there too. I think that losts of us have, but I just have to remember that this happened for a reason.
One day, I will see Teddy again. I'm sure of it. He loved God. He lived for God. He wanted to go to church and he wanted to learn more about God. He had a love for God that I wish I had. And, I know that now Teddy is dancing with God and singing. And, screaming "FREEDOM!" I just hope Jesus comes back soon so that once again I can re-unite with my cousin and have another Nerf War. I'll see ya in heaven, Teddy!
R.I.P. Nicholas Theodore "Teddy" Brushwood
August 1997- May 2012
I love you and miss you.
